Intermission is in Recession

Everything is out, and so much misunderstanding with the situation was all that it was. THANK GOD! I couldn't stand the feeling of not knowing the real reason behind the fustration. Especially since my fustration was a whole different senario from his. Im a woman and I have done things that I couldn't account for, let alone know the explanation. I have come to the conclusion that if and when it's time to move on, I will do it knowing that an explanation isn't needed. "what's understood doesn't need to be explained". I guess grasping this concept is confusing at times, but when I'm in total solitude, it's makes a lot of sense.
I've been asking myself questions lately. One of which, What am I looking for? What do I need? What do I want? What I want, Hmmm, Consistency, Love, Security. What I need? Consistency, Love and Security. What I want, simply comes down to Security, Love, and then Consistency.
Everytime I think of these questions and answers to those, I always come back to when was I the happiest and most content with myself? I think I need to resume giving my life to GOD. Yes, I believe in him. I wouldn't be where I am in my life if it weren't for him. But have I been consistent with his purpose? I can honestly say No! So how can I want, need, and know what I'm looking for? Am I being selfish, neglectant, ignorant, arrogant? What I need to do is get back in tune with GOD, and live with him as my #1.

The Beginning of the Intermission

Never thought it could turn so fast. It's like everything is good, and then you slam on your brakes and screech to a screaming halt. I'm sitting here like, WTF?!? Just from asking a simple question and never getting a response. That person seems suspect to me. Things aren't adding up on an issue. At least it's an issue in my book.
Why does it always have to do with another girl? Or could I be taking something too far, over exaggerating it?
Is it that simple for you to be done? Recognize that you aren't my baby daddy and then come talk to you?
Looking for an explaination as to why? Never receiving an answer. I asked a simple question and all hell breaks loose! So, is the question that I'd asked not that simple? All I asked was, who is she? and you said you were going to delete your page, but delete me only? Why is that?
Embarrased? Hiding something from someone? This to me seems to be the case. It's too suspect for me. A friend of his mentioned something to him about my page and then I get deleted. Wow. All I can say is, You never really gave a shit because if you did the answer would've came out easily. And no there isn't nothing to think about. Since there wasn't a answer, only silence, it says it all. I can only go by what I know and if there isn't any intervening from him, what am I to think?

Searching....

Waiting for an Answer!

I have been stressing hard trying to figure out how I was going to pay for my books for this fall semester. Well, stressing hard? How about praying hard. That sounds much more better. Lateley I have been feeling pretty well about life. I had been trying to save as much money as I possibly could for the past couple of months, and then Boom! It hit me, I didn't have a way to pay for school. At least up front, which they never tell you. I ended up using my all of my savings to do so. Now that really bummed me out. Upset, anguished, distraught, the whole nine. But after a little while, I thought to myself, "Damn, I guess there was a specific reason for my saving money." I felt a little at ease, until it dawned on me "How the hell am I going to pay for my books!" Damned it, another damn obstacle in my Fucking way. So again, after all the cursing and stress, I calmed down. If there is a will there's a way. If GOD wanted me to continue my education to become the person or accomplish what he wanted me to, then he'll make the way.
Later I applied for a grant, and the school (stupid people) slacked on getting them the paper on time to meet the deadline. More fustration, and this time I expressed them, which turned out to be a good thing because it got things done.
Moreover, everything was turned in by the Aug 1. Thank God. Now the waiting! In the back of my mind I thought to myself, this can only be a good thing if they give me partial payment for the tuition. Whatever I can get.
Then, Bam! Right in my face, I get my acceptance letter! I was awarded the grant for more than I though I was going to get initially. Thank GOD!


He is who I praise! Through HIM all things are Possible!

GOING TOO FAST

What a summer this has been! It's going alright, before you know it's gone and then it's time for fall. I don't even want to hear or think about the fall season right now. My summer has been the most busiest by far. There has things to do almost every weekend. I most definitely needed to get away, and that I did. I Escaped! It took me 2 1/2 hours to do so, but I did. I ended up leaving to Peoria this past weekend, and I enjoyed it. I got a chance to actually read a book, something I hadn't done in quite some time. I love to read, I used to read often and to be able to sit down and relax, felt really good. I couldn't feel better. I had the people who I most adore by my side, Mia and Chris.
While I was reading, they were playing games. We went swimming, well Mia and I was swimming, he was just there. Watching us swim around, I kept seeing him smile. He even cooked for us, awww. That was surprising, and it wasn't chicken nuggets and fries! LOL... The time just passed.
It went so fast that by the time I noticed, it was time for us to come back home, everyday life, hustle and bustle, Damn. Once we made it home, all I wanted to do was go back.
Being there with him, just made everything right. It made sense. But now it's time again, time to get moving. Is this going to fast???? The year is half done, or is it half over???? It's going too fast!

BLISS

I haven't been able to sit at peace in a very long time. I have had enough bs men in my life and now I realize that they were supposed to be that way with me so I can appreciate the relationship that I'm in now. I feel like our closeness has another meaning than what I've experienced. From experience, I now notice the difference. There is something about him that keeps me interested. There has only been one other person whom kept my attention the way he does. I never thought that someone else would do more for me emotionally, mentally, and physically.
He reminded me that it's almost been a year since we've started dating. Yes, he reminded me. My heart and mind tells me he's a keeper. He's more of what I expect in a man, despite the minor issues I have. He's goal driven, has NO problem being a family man (which I love).
I thought since the transition, we wouldn't last. I figured I would've given up by now, with no hesitation. Let it have been the old me, long distant what?!? Yeah, right.

Bliss? Smitten? Adore? Care? Love?

I feel all of the above. The more time spent, the closer we get. How close do you get before you become one????

And No, I won't except a proposal on a holiday!!!!! I love him, but we need our own day!

I'm starting to remember the feelings I used to have when I was in love, years ago. Wow, how those feelings fade, and so easily they come back. I don't want to feel any different from the excitement I'm feeling now.

Can you say, "Ohhh Weeee!"

Anxious

Finally, I get to spend some time with him! Yah, me! And this time there shouldn't be anything to stop it, at least not now. So anxious right now, it's crazy. To be able to have the intimacy I've been wanting, ooohhh. Finally. I haven't seen him since the beginning of June. Let alone spent time with him, that probably was in April/May sometime. It's hard to keep a long distance relationship, it really is. Sometimes I think about us just going our own separate ways, but that would be too easy to do. I hadn't been in a real relationship since my daughters father. That was years ago. But to be able to begin to understand, being more mature to even handle a real relationship, has it hardship at times. Here's to the Butterflies, again!!!


If it's meant to be, it will be. Missing him like crazy!

To Respond or not to Respond???

I need to breathe a little with this short topic. About a year and some months ago my grand mother passed. I never really got a long with my cousins nor aunts and those people. So the day of my grandmothers burial, these people where all acting like we have been close for years on in, which we weren't. I think that my experiences in life have grown into a positive transition, it showed me the different choices that I was given. I made the choice to better myself and take care of mine. Now back to why I need an appropriate response. See this people waited until we buried my grandmother to act like chickens with their heads cut off. Acting like they have no sense whatsoever! So the whole thing was over a signature book. One that everyone signs to show that they came to support. I knew it was trouble when I over heard them talking about just taking it and not letting my mother have it. My mother is the baby out of her brothers and sisters. Ignorance rumbles loudly inside them, and my mother and I just hear the thunder coming. I had to embrace myself for what was lying ahead.
when I put the book in our car, my mothers sister started talking out of the side of her neck, saying I don't know who my childs' father is, I'm nothing but a whore and all this other stuff. So, I lashed out on her. She just continued on talking shit while sitting the parking lot. And yeah, I called her out, ready to beat the living shit out of her. And to no avail she only talked shit. I gave up and went inside of the funeral home.
I began to hear the others' start there shit with my mother. I became defensive. In my head all I can hear was, "stay calm, they aren't worth it." They kept on arguing with my mother, I just stood next to her, letting her know I'm here. If they feel froggy enough, I'm going to let the beast out. My mom just looked at me and asked me to give them the book. I said FUCK THAT! She said, just give it to them. This will be the last time that you will ever see them, if it takes them having it to stay out of our lives then so be it.
Now, everyone has one dumb ass cousin, who thinks that when she has a crowd of people to back her up she can whoop ass! I think not! So she thought it was ok to get in my face and threaten me with her words. I laughed and my mother, in between us, kept insisting she go to her mother before I whoop her ass. Calmly I kept telling her, go by your mother before you piss me off.
Again, now back to why I need an appropriate response; THis dumb bitch sends me a message letting me know she's not trying to cause any trouble. She wanted to know how we are doing?

Ha!