It's been a while since I've kept up with my BLOG (shame on me). I've been thinking a lot lately, which is my usual thing. This a baby picture of Fredie, he was born, April 28, 1981. My older brother passed, October 4, 2008, it's not really registering in me that I won't hear nor see him any longer. See there was a distance put between us before I was even born, all because of selfishness. I love my brother with all my heart. There isn't anything that I wouldn't have done for him, given the opportunity.
I'm still not positive for his exact reason, but it's done. I'm trying my hardest not to hate his mother and family. From my understanding, he was depressed, hurt, and crying out for help. Damn, why didn't they listen to him? My heart is ripped apart and I just want it out of me. The details, I can't comprehend. My thoughts, I don't want to deal with.
Why do people blame me for their greed? He had no religion for his funeral, what type of shit is that? This whole senario makes me sick to my stomach. I just can't take it, to have seen him inside the coffin. I wanted him to wake up.
All I want to do is crawl in my bed, and sleep.
I just want to see him again, smiling. We looked alike so much. I love you. A piece of me died with you Fredie Joshua Bonilla, Jr.
The devil is trying to keep his job. Trying to keep the hate, anger, and fustration inside me. But only prayer will get me through. So pray for me hard.
2 comments:
I have been praying for you. Jen you and only you know your brother relationship. Don't let nobody shine on that. He is resting now from all the pain he was feeling. Nobody can and will understand. But we shouldn't blame each other as well. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in shoulda, coulda, woulda, when there was probably no stopping it. Granted he may have cried out for help, but if you were to give him his guidance, and he still did what he did would you have felt that you still haven't done much. Don't think about what has happened think about about the memories of you and him all the good things. I am here if you need me and dont get drunk..lol.. I love you
Hi Jen, I also have kept you in my prayers, and your family too. There is nothing that anyone can say to bring him back, but let the memories you have of him continue to make your heart smile until you meet again. Its hard loosing a loved one, but know that he is in a better place and you will see him again in glory. Love ya, and I'm here for you!
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