Can There Be Anything Else???

So far I've discovered that it's going to be a really hard road ahead. With trying to find an apartment and maintaining my sanity (only on the outside), I'm losing whim of reality. I've got less than a week to find a place and so far, I don't have a deposit and I'm fustrated. I'm hoping GOD opens up a door and shows me a light. I just don't know what I am going to do. Between school, work, Mia, and the passing of my brother, I haven't had time to sleep let alone relax. Lord knows, I really don't relax anyway. I think today I've slept most of the day, only because I was at my mother's. I've looked at more than a dozen apartments. They either want too much money for it, or I have to pay all the utilities. But in order for things to work, I need to find another school for my daughter. Although I am going to hate putting her in another school, it seems like the only choice I am left with.
All I can say is, "Is there anything else that can be thrown into this situation?"

You can say the Devil is Trying to Keep his Day JOB

It's been a while since I've kept up with my BLOG (shame on me). I've been thinking a lot lately, which is my usual thing. This a baby picture of Fredie, he was born, April 28, 1981. My older brother passed, October 4, 2008, it's not really registering in me that I won't hear nor see him any longer. See there was a distance put between us before I was even born, all because of selfishness. I love my brother with all my heart. There isn't anything that I wouldn't have done for him, given the opportunity.

I'm still not positive for his exact reason, but it's done. I'm trying my hardest not to hate his mother and family. From my understanding, he was depressed, hurt, and crying out for help. Damn, why didn't they listen to him? My heart is ripped apart and I just want it out of me. The details, I can't comprehend. My thoughts, I don't want to deal with.

Why do people blame me for their greed? He had no religion for his funeral, what type of shit is that? This whole senario makes me sick to my stomach. I just can't take it, to have seen him inside the coffin. I wanted him to wake up.

All I want to do is crawl in my bed, and sleep.

I just want to see him again, smiling. We looked alike so much. I love you. A piece of me died with you Fredie Joshua Bonilla, Jr.

The devil is trying to keep his job. Trying to keep the hate, anger, and fustration inside me. But only prayer will get me through. So pray for me hard.